Flirt Diva
April 25th 2010 18:24
Q. I like a girl who acts like she likes me and we’ve got loads in common, like hiking and camping, but every time I suggest doing something like trek off for a weekend, she shuns me. What am I doing wrong?
A. How about you slow down for starters. Why not think about asking her out for coffee before you invite her away for the weekend! There is such a thing as easing into it – and I daresay your crush may be a bit taken aback by the idea of a weekend away (read, dirty weekend) as your first date. You may think it’s a matter of sharing interests while she's no doubt thinking it would be nice to have a get-to-know-you chat over a drink or a coffee first. Nice and easy does it.
Dear Flirt Diva
Q. I had a date a week ago with a woman who I thought was great. The chemistry was there, we were sparking off each other, but when I texted her to ask for a second date, she blew me off – what could I have done differently?
A. My first thought is that perhaps you could have picket up the phone and rung her – it’s always harder to say ‘no’ to a human voice than it is to a text. But never mind, it’s a simple case of persistence – by which I don’t mean stalking! It’s perfectly reasonable to go in for a second round – why not? She doesn’t bite does she? You may have simply caught her at a tricky time and she was genuinely too busy to see you. Don’t be put off and don’t lose your nerve. Give her a couple of days and get on the blower; use your most confident and engaging manner and suggest an outing to someplace that you know for certain she’s just going to love!
Dear Sue,
Q. I recently bumped into a mate’s ex. I’d always fancied her and I had an inkling she liked me. We ended up having a drink and before I knew it, one thing had led to another. I felt horrible afterwards and she left pretty quickly, so I think she was weirded out as well. What happens now, do I tell my mate?
A. Hmm tricky situation, because let’s face it, no matter why they broke up, or who broke it off – no-one likes their mate ‘going there’ afterwards - it's one of the Cardinal Sins isn't it? Let’s look at the first possible outcome: if you opt not to tell your mate, he’s likely to find out anyway. You must consider (if you haven't already) the possibility of this being a ‘revenge shag’ – if so, the ex will no doubt gloat about it, in which case your mate will be mighty down on you for not telling him.
On the other hand, if you do tell him, you’ve got to be big enough to cop it on the chin. You saw the opportunity, you went for it. End of. Presumably you weren’t thinking about your mates feelings at the time, so now it’s time to face the music.
This is my problem....
Q. I've just started dating this girl from New York, who I really like. I'm not sure if it’s a cultural thing but she’s still dating other guys too. It makes me really jealous to think of her sleeping with other people. I want to talk to her about it, but I'm really scared that I'll push her away.
A. Let me begin by saying that it’s great to see that you’re aware of the gaping differences between New York dating culture and our own – two very different kettles of fish! Further more, I’m not surprised you feel jealous with what your New York girl is doing – but keep in mind that as far as she’s concerned, it ‘s just the done thing.
I am surprised that you jumped to the conclusion that she’s sleeping with other people – do you know this for a fact? Or is your imagination working overtime? I do think you’re well within your right to raise the issue, but perhaps instead of coming across all heavy about it, why not try a softly, softly approach – and use the cultural point of view to kick-start it.
You could try telling her that you’re intrigued about how it all works in New York because it’s not the norm here – it’s one way of testing the waters subtly, without actually coming right out and saying you’re jealous about her seeing other people, because if she is used to multi-dating – then yes, you are right to assume that you could push her away.
My advice would also be to push yourself to see other women – that way your feelings towards her will have less intensity and you’ll be able to adopt a more light hearted approach about it.
A. How about you slow down for starters. Why not think about asking her out for coffee before you invite her away for the weekend! There is such a thing as easing into it – and I daresay your crush may be a bit taken aback by the idea of a weekend away (read, dirty weekend) as your first date. You may think it’s a matter of sharing interests while she's no doubt thinking it would be nice to have a get-to-know-you chat over a drink or a coffee first. Nice and easy does it.
Dear Flirt Diva
Q. I had a date a week ago with a woman who I thought was great. The chemistry was there, we were sparking off each other, but when I texted her to ask for a second date, she blew me off – what could I have done differently?
A. My first thought is that perhaps you could have picket up the phone and rung her – it’s always harder to say ‘no’ to a human voice than it is to a text. But never mind, it’s a simple case of persistence – by which I don’t mean stalking! It’s perfectly reasonable to go in for a second round – why not? She doesn’t bite does she? You may have simply caught her at a tricky time and she was genuinely too busy to see you. Don’t be put off and don’t lose your nerve. Give her a couple of days and get on the blower; use your most confident and engaging manner and suggest an outing to someplace that you know for certain she’s just going to love!
Dear Sue,
Q. I recently bumped into a mate’s ex. I’d always fancied her and I had an inkling she liked me. We ended up having a drink and before I knew it, one thing had led to another. I felt horrible afterwards and she left pretty quickly, so I think she was weirded out as well. What happens now, do I tell my mate?
A. Hmm tricky situation, because let’s face it, no matter why they broke up, or who broke it off – no-one likes their mate ‘going there’ afterwards - it's one of the Cardinal Sins isn't it? Let’s look at the first possible outcome: if you opt not to tell your mate, he’s likely to find out anyway. You must consider (if you haven't already) the possibility of this being a ‘revenge shag’ – if so, the ex will no doubt gloat about it, in which case your mate will be mighty down on you for not telling him.
On the other hand, if you do tell him, you’ve got to be big enough to cop it on the chin. You saw the opportunity, you went for it. End of. Presumably you weren’t thinking about your mates feelings at the time, so now it’s time to face the music.
This is my problem....
Q. I've just started dating this girl from New York, who I really like. I'm not sure if it’s a cultural thing but she’s still dating other guys too. It makes me really jealous to think of her sleeping with other people. I want to talk to her about it, but I'm really scared that I'll push her away.
A. Let me begin by saying that it’s great to see that you’re aware of the gaping differences between New York dating culture and our own – two very different kettles of fish! Further more, I’m not surprised you feel jealous with what your New York girl is doing – but keep in mind that as far as she’s concerned, it ‘s just the done thing.
I am surprised that you jumped to the conclusion that she’s sleeping with other people – do you know this for a fact? Or is your imagination working overtime? I do think you’re well within your right to raise the issue, but perhaps instead of coming across all heavy about it, why not try a softly, softly approach – and use the cultural point of view to kick-start it.
You could try telling her that you’re intrigued about how it all works in New York because it’s not the norm here – it’s one way of testing the waters subtly, without actually coming right out and saying you’re jealous about her seeing other people, because if she is used to multi-dating – then yes, you are right to assume that you could push her away.
My advice would also be to push yourself to see other women – that way your feelings towards her will have less intensity and you’ll be able to adopt a more light hearted approach about it.
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