Flirt Diva Answers Your Questions
March 27th 2009 11:20
1. Dear Flirt Diva,
My girlfriend doesn't make any noise when we are having sex. She says she enjoys it and even orgasms every time. Most girls I have been with scream out and make pleasurable noises and it confirms that I am doing a good job. I told her this and she got angry with me and said well if it makes you happy I will fake it. Lately she has been making a lot of noise, but I feel like an idiot as now I know it isn't real. I wish I never said anything. How can I make things normal again?
Oh dear. Apologise quickly. Tell her you screwed up. Explain that your testosterone driven obsession for the orgasm-banshee cry was just a schoolboy phase and now you're ready to move on and be a real man. Because really, this isn't just about sex, it's all about the value you place on your experience of life; the freedom to sample the weird and wonderful habits of different sex partners, and to relish the woman who is different! How exciting. And how boring it would be if we were all the same.
Let's make it a challenge. Since the female orgasm is typically not expressed through ejaculation, why not make it your mission to pick it up in other ways? Put your new superpowers to the test and use them to detect the multitude of ways in which women reveal their orgasmic moments. Pay close attention to her breath, her sighs, her body vibrations, her grip, her grunts, the way her toes curl, her pupils dilate and her cheeks flush.
In doing this you'll not only develop as a skilled lover, but she'll love you because you love HER style and she’s more than just a poor imitation of your former lovers. Take her out for a lovely dinner and tell her you adore her white hot intensity and you don’t need her play act. It's a women’s prerogative to roar like a lion or squeak like a mouse - it's up to you to know when things are heating up – with or without the sound affects!
2. Dear Flirt Diva,
My last boyfriend had a really big penis and my new boyfriend has a small one... I feel as though my ex might have stretched me. Is this permanent or is there something I can do to get tight again?
You haven't mentioned your age or whether you've had children, but from the sound of your email, I'm going to presume you haven't. The good news is that, no it's not permanent In any case, here are your options: there is indeed a surgical procedure for vaginal tightening, Katie Price AKA Jordan's always banging on about it, much to the horror of her poor sod of a husband! This procedure typically follows childbirth or is used by older women who are self-conscious about ageing - well a lifetime of bonking and babies will do that! It can also be used by younger women who wish to have their vaginal muscles tightened in order to heighten sensitivity for themselves and their partners during sexual intercourse. I'd say that's you? But look, there’s no need for a surgical procedure, there’s a much simpler option – get yourself a pelvic toner girl! There's plenty of good ones available online and you’ll soon find one that suits you - electric or manual – your choice. Once you start using the toner in conjunction with pelvic strengthening exercises which you can do anywhere, anytime, you'll find a noticeable improvement within weeks. Enjoy!
3. Dear Flirt Diva,
My boyfriend is 25 and cannot keep an erection when we are having sex. He says that it hasn't happened before and he has had much more experienced girlfriends before and doesn't know why. We both know he's too young for Viagra, but what else should we do? I am trying to be patient, but it's getting annoying and I can't bring it up anymore as I don't want to pressure him and make it even worse.
OK, question time: does he smoke, drink excessively, use recreational drugs or drink too much caffeine? If he's doing any of the above, then you've pinpointed your problem and he needs to reduce his intake accordingly. Simple. That’s the way it works in relationships. He knew sex was part of the deal when he signed up. It's his responsibility to abstain from anything that's stopping him from giving it his all so to speak. If this isn't the case and he isn’t imbibing anything troublesome then we need to look at the physiology.
Often erectile dysfunction stems from emotional issues. Is he nervous stressed or freaked out about this relationship? How close are the two of you? Can you talk intimately outside the bedroom without putting him on the spot? Can you get him engaged in conversation about the bigger picture, not just sex you understand, but the stuff that’s going on with him, and where he’s at in his life? Once you’ve got some insight to his feelings, you’ll be better placed to understand the condition and address it accordingly – that may well involve professional counselling. And yes, you do need to tread carefully, but you’d be well advised to put a six month timeline on the situation. I don’t want to hear back from you twelve months down the track complaining about the same problem. He’s got to work with you to sort this out. If he’s not man enough to do that, then he’s not the right man for you.
4. Dear Flirt Diva,
I really want to have sex with my girlfriend but she wants to stay a virgin until she finishes her GCSE's. She has said that I can stick it in her arse. Now I think she is weird for suggesting that and she must think I'm a gay if she thinks I would actually do it. Should I just break up with her and be with someone that thinks about what I need instead of making me do sick things?
Ahem, I see. Well it’s clear to me that neither of you are ready for this. Emotionally or physically. Go back to your studies and leave her to hers. She needs to understand the definition of virgin - physiologically and emotionally, and you need to grow up. Anal sex is not 'sick', it's not gay, and it's not just about your needs. But I don’t believe she wants it, not for a moment. She’s just trying to put you off. So here’s what you can do – don't pressure her anymore, respect her wish to stay a virgin, get the GCSE's out of the way, and then, if you are still together, have lovely beautiful first time sex. Capische?
My girlfriend doesn't make any noise when we are having sex. She says she enjoys it and even orgasms every time. Most girls I have been with scream out and make pleasurable noises and it confirms that I am doing a good job. I told her this and she got angry with me and said well if it makes you happy I will fake it. Lately she has been making a lot of noise, but I feel like an idiot as now I know it isn't real. I wish I never said anything. How can I make things normal again?
Oh dear. Apologise quickly. Tell her you screwed up. Explain that your testosterone driven obsession for the orgasm-banshee cry was just a schoolboy phase and now you're ready to move on and be a real man. Because really, this isn't just about sex, it's all about the value you place on your experience of life; the freedom to sample the weird and wonderful habits of different sex partners, and to relish the woman who is different! How exciting. And how boring it would be if we were all the same.
Let's make it a challenge. Since the female orgasm is typically not expressed through ejaculation, why not make it your mission to pick it up in other ways? Put your new superpowers to the test and use them to detect the multitude of ways in which women reveal their orgasmic moments. Pay close attention to her breath, her sighs, her body vibrations, her grip, her grunts, the way her toes curl, her pupils dilate and her cheeks flush.
In doing this you'll not only develop as a skilled lover, but she'll love you because you love HER style and she’s more than just a poor imitation of your former lovers. Take her out for a lovely dinner and tell her you adore her white hot intensity and you don’t need her play act. It's a women’s prerogative to roar like a lion or squeak like a mouse - it's up to you to know when things are heating up – with or without the sound affects!
2. Dear Flirt Diva,
My last boyfriend had a really big penis and my new boyfriend has a small one... I feel as though my ex might have stretched me. Is this permanent or is there something I can do to get tight again?
You haven't mentioned your age or whether you've had children, but from the sound of your email, I'm going to presume you haven't. The good news is that, no it's not permanent In any case, here are your options: there is indeed a surgical procedure for vaginal tightening, Katie Price AKA Jordan's always banging on about it, much to the horror of her poor sod of a husband! This procedure typically follows childbirth or is used by older women who are self-conscious about ageing - well a lifetime of bonking and babies will do that! It can also be used by younger women who wish to have their vaginal muscles tightened in order to heighten sensitivity for themselves and their partners during sexual intercourse. I'd say that's you? But look, there’s no need for a surgical procedure, there’s a much simpler option – get yourself a pelvic toner girl! There's plenty of good ones available online and you’ll soon find one that suits you - electric or manual – your choice. Once you start using the toner in conjunction with pelvic strengthening exercises which you can do anywhere, anytime, you'll find a noticeable improvement within weeks. Enjoy!
3. Dear Flirt Diva,
My boyfriend is 25 and cannot keep an erection when we are having sex. He says that it hasn't happened before and he has had much more experienced girlfriends before and doesn't know why. We both know he's too young for Viagra, but what else should we do? I am trying to be patient, but it's getting annoying and I can't bring it up anymore as I don't want to pressure him and make it even worse.
OK, question time: does he smoke, drink excessively, use recreational drugs or drink too much caffeine? If he's doing any of the above, then you've pinpointed your problem and he needs to reduce his intake accordingly. Simple. That’s the way it works in relationships. He knew sex was part of the deal when he signed up. It's his responsibility to abstain from anything that's stopping him from giving it his all so to speak. If this isn't the case and he isn’t imbibing anything troublesome then we need to look at the physiology.
Often erectile dysfunction stems from emotional issues. Is he nervous stressed or freaked out about this relationship? How close are the two of you? Can you talk intimately outside the bedroom without putting him on the spot? Can you get him engaged in conversation about the bigger picture, not just sex you understand, but the stuff that’s going on with him, and where he’s at in his life? Once you’ve got some insight to his feelings, you’ll be better placed to understand the condition and address it accordingly – that may well involve professional counselling. And yes, you do need to tread carefully, but you’d be well advised to put a six month timeline on the situation. I don’t want to hear back from you twelve months down the track complaining about the same problem. He’s got to work with you to sort this out. If he’s not man enough to do that, then he’s not the right man for you.
4. Dear Flirt Diva,
I really want to have sex with my girlfriend but she wants to stay a virgin until she finishes her GCSE's. She has said that I can stick it in her arse. Now I think she is weird for suggesting that and she must think I'm a gay if she thinks I would actually do it. Should I just break up with her and be with someone that thinks about what I need instead of making me do sick things?
Ahem, I see. Well it’s clear to me that neither of you are ready for this. Emotionally or physically. Go back to your studies and leave her to hers. She needs to understand the definition of virgin - physiologically and emotionally, and you need to grow up. Anal sex is not 'sick', it's not gay, and it's not just about your needs. But I don’t believe she wants it, not for a moment. She’s just trying to put you off. So here’s what you can do – don't pressure her anymore, respect her wish to stay a virgin, get the GCSE's out of the way, and then, if you are still together, have lovely beautiful first time sex. Capische?
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