The Flirt Diva Answers Your Relationship Questions
March 27th 2009 11:25
Dear Flirt Diva,
1. My friend has fallen for her guy friend big time - things have happened between them before, though nothing in a while. I met him recently, and he's been flirting with me. He's told me he doesn't fancy her. I have to confess, he's gorgeous, and I'd like to pursue this. What should I do?
A. That depends – do you respect her friendship? Or know the meaning of trust? She’s confided in you, and she likes this guy, so what if he’s flirting with you? You don’t have to flirt back! Go find your own guy to flirt with! There’s plenty more gorgeous guys out there, you’re just being a lazy fiend. I’m glad you’re not my friend.
2. Hey Flirt Diva, I had a one-night stand with a woman recently, and didn't want to take it any further. In the morning, she seemed really keen to meet again. I felt a bit guilty, so we exchanged details. I've met up with her a few times, but I'm not really interested. Should I just tell her I was never really interested?
A. You had one-night stand and you didn’t fancy letting her down. Well here’s a question for you: did she know it was a one-night stand? Had that been established? Surely it should have been before the sex not after! If it wasn’t, I can see why it was awkward the next morning – at which point you decide to string her along – good work bozo!
So here’s what not to do: don’t keep stringing her along, don’t be tactless, don’t ignore her, don’t disappear without a trace and don’t turn it into a personal attack by telling her you were never interested!
Do the honorable thing: take her out for a drink, tell her the time you’ve spent together was nice but you’re not looking for anything serious at the moment. Put a `hope-we-can-still-be-friends peace offering on the table, give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and off you go. The worst that can happen is she’ll think you’re a knob,
3. Hey Flirt Diva, My best mate's started going out with this new girl. She's really bitchy, and me and the rest of my friends can't stand her. My mate really likes her, though. We all reckon she's bad news for him, but we're too scared to say anything in case he won't talk to us afterwards. What should we do?
A How about you mind your own business. Unless of course you have concrete grounds on which to base your attack? Has she said or done anything offensive? Committed any crimes against your or any of the other mates? Hmmmm, I didn’t think so. So why are you acting like an over protective mom. Your mate’s happy, right? And surely he’s big enough and smart enough to figure things out for himself?
How about you and your friend’s change your attitudes –stop whining and bitching about her – and you know, lead by example? Who knows maybe she’ll be less bitchy if she doesn’t feel so hated.
4. Dear Flirt Diva,
My friend was dating this guy but they ended it when she had to go back to her hometown. Soon after, he got it on with a mutual friend of ours. My friend now keeps asking me if he's started seeing anyone new. I care about all of these people, and I don't want to put my foot in it or see anyone hurt. Do I tell her what I know?
A. That’s easy: if she asks you and you don’t tell her – you’re a liar and an accessory to the fact – and that makes you a lousy friend! It was she who packed up and left (willingly or not) and he’s moved on. Sit happens. Sure she will be hurt, but really, the sooner she knows and accepts it, the better for everyone. Of course it would be ideal coming from him, so why don’t you suggest it? If he’s not man enough, then you do it, but do it soon, to spare her feelings later.
5. Dear Flirt Diva,
I’ve been raised with Christian beliefs that I’m very proud of which includes no sex before marriage. My girlfriend has always stood by me despite not sharing my beliefs but now I think she may be cheating on me. I’m afraid to ask her as she gets upset when I think this way. Is there anything else I can do to keep her satisfied in that way?
A. It depends on your definition of sex. According to Bill Clinton, you can have all sorts of fun without penetrative sex. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” So what’s the criteria? Does a bit of slap and tickle as opposed to penetrative sex go against your beliefs? If not you can give her the time of her life with some well aimed foreplay.
But really more importantly, if it’s true that your girlfriend is indeed cheating on you, then I’m sorry, but she is so not the lady for you. You need to sort that out pronto. Her getting ‘upset’ when you ask is not really good enough. You need straight answers, if you can’t get them, she’s being dishonest with you and it’s not much of a relationship is it? Time for some tough love my friend!
1. My friend has fallen for her guy friend big time - things have happened between them before, though nothing in a while. I met him recently, and he's been flirting with me. He's told me he doesn't fancy her. I have to confess, he's gorgeous, and I'd like to pursue this. What should I do?
A. That depends – do you respect her friendship? Or know the meaning of trust? She’s confided in you, and she likes this guy, so what if he’s flirting with you? You don’t have to flirt back! Go find your own guy to flirt with! There’s plenty more gorgeous guys out there, you’re just being a lazy fiend. I’m glad you’re not my friend.
2. Hey Flirt Diva, I had a one-night stand with a woman recently, and didn't want to take it any further. In the morning, she seemed really keen to meet again. I felt a bit guilty, so we exchanged details. I've met up with her a few times, but I'm not really interested. Should I just tell her I was never really interested?
A. You had one-night stand and you didn’t fancy letting her down. Well here’s a question for you: did she know it was a one-night stand? Had that been established? Surely it should have been before the sex not after! If it wasn’t, I can see why it was awkward the next morning – at which point you decide to string her along – good work bozo!
So here’s what not to do: don’t keep stringing her along, don’t be tactless, don’t ignore her, don’t disappear without a trace and don’t turn it into a personal attack by telling her you were never interested!
Do the honorable thing: take her out for a drink, tell her the time you’ve spent together was nice but you’re not looking for anything serious at the moment. Put a `hope-we-can-still-be-friends peace offering on the table, give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and off you go. The worst that can happen is she’ll think you’re a knob,
3. Hey Flirt Diva, My best mate's started going out with this new girl. She's really bitchy, and me and the rest of my friends can't stand her. My mate really likes her, though. We all reckon she's bad news for him, but we're too scared to say anything in case he won't talk to us afterwards. What should we do?
A How about you mind your own business. Unless of course you have concrete grounds on which to base your attack? Has she said or done anything offensive? Committed any crimes against your or any of the other mates? Hmmmm, I didn’t think so. So why are you acting like an over protective mom. Your mate’s happy, right? And surely he’s big enough and smart enough to figure things out for himself?
How about you and your friend’s change your attitudes –stop whining and bitching about her – and you know, lead by example? Who knows maybe she’ll be less bitchy if she doesn’t feel so hated.
4. Dear Flirt Diva,
My friend was dating this guy but they ended it when she had to go back to her hometown. Soon after, he got it on with a mutual friend of ours. My friend now keeps asking me if he's started seeing anyone new. I care about all of these people, and I don't want to put my foot in it or see anyone hurt. Do I tell her what I know?
A. That’s easy: if she asks you and you don’t tell her – you’re a liar and an accessory to the fact – and that makes you a lousy friend! It was she who packed up and left (willingly or not) and he’s moved on. Sit happens. Sure she will be hurt, but really, the sooner she knows and accepts it, the better for everyone. Of course it would be ideal coming from him, so why don’t you suggest it? If he’s not man enough, then you do it, but do it soon, to spare her feelings later.
5. Dear Flirt Diva,
I’ve been raised with Christian beliefs that I’m very proud of which includes no sex before marriage. My girlfriend has always stood by me despite not sharing my beliefs but now I think she may be cheating on me. I’m afraid to ask her as she gets upset when I think this way. Is there anything else I can do to keep her satisfied in that way?
A. It depends on your definition of sex. According to Bill Clinton, you can have all sorts of fun without penetrative sex. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” So what’s the criteria? Does a bit of slap and tickle as opposed to penetrative sex go against your beliefs? If not you can give her the time of her life with some well aimed foreplay.
But really more importantly, if it’s true that your girlfriend is indeed cheating on you, then I’m sorry, but she is so not the lady for you. You need to sort that out pronto. Her getting ‘upset’ when you ask is not really good enough. You need straight answers, if you can’t get them, she’s being dishonest with you and it’s not much of a relationship is it? Time for some tough love my friend!
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