Flirt Diva Answers Your Love Dilemmas
September 17th 2009 06:54
1. Q I’m going out with this guy who is hot, hot, hot. The only problem is he’s thick as two planks. My question is, will I get over that?
Anita
A. A quick, admittedly unscientific poll, suggests that his looks may override his personality for the first couple of months, it will become harder to ignore after a while. Then you’ll be turning up the music until your ears bleed so you won’t feel obliged to talk.
Ask yourself how long you can cope with this situation. If the answer is in the very short-term, then Anita, make a pact to exploit the sex as though your life depends on it. And then outta there!!
2. Q I’ve been with my guy for about a year now. We’re well over the honeymoon phase and things seem good as in stable and solid. There’s just one thing I don’t get – when we go out and I get attention (which I often do, something to do with my long, blonde hair) he doesn’t bat an eyelid. It’s like he couldn’t care less. Most guys I know would get jealous, or they would be flattered that their girlfriend was getting so much male attention, but he just blanks it. I’m starting to get the feeling that he doesn’t care because he’s not that into me. Thoughts?
A. Let me begin by asking you this - is it possible you suffer delusions of grandeur?
I mean here you are, you’ve got this totally together, in-control guy; but once confronted with the galling reality that you’ve not managed to turn him into an insecure basket-case – you take issue with that! I mean come on, are you really that shallow?
Has it occurred to you that he feels comfortable with you? And he trusts you? The only thing you need to worry about is him catching onto the fact that you are one high maintenance lady! Just stop focusing on it; I mean really, in a world where the crap is coming down so profoundly, it’s just not that much of a problem.
3. Q I’ve been into yoga for a while and find it’s helped me manage stress and feel generally better all round. I’m keen to advance it a bit now and would like to learn about Tantra. I’ve talked to my husband about this and he says he couldn’t imagine anything less interesting! How do I convince him that it would be great for our sex lives?
A. Oh, how very nice for you. But I can see why he’s not exactly jumping at the proposition. Is it possible he doesn’t even know what Tantra entails? And is therefore a little intimated by it all? But of course he’d feel like a right twat for coming out and saying so, which is why he’s written it off as boring. So, maybe the trick is to ease him in by dangling that carrot.
Why not go off quietly and learn a trick or two, and then dazzle him with your newly acquired erotic prowess. Once you’ve blown his mind and erm, got him intrigued, it’s a simple matter of coaxing him to sit down for a cosy evening wine sodden evening and watching a sexy Tantra DVD.
Hopefully this will help in your quest to bring out the Tantric tiger in him. Good luck!
4. Q I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. All the credit crunch gloom and doom plus the sudden onset of Autumn has made me realise how nice it would be to have someone to cosy up with at home and watch DVD’s. So I’m ready to get looking. The problem is I’m not sure where to start. Thoughts?
A. As someone who’s been to this party and done this dance, I’d say you need to get yourself a Love Plan. The simple act of check-listing the kind of mate your heart desires will instantaneously help you in your quest of love. Likewise listing your priorities will pinpoint the kind of person that you’d like to attract. It also helps to deal with any emotional demons that may be lurking. So rather than expecting Boy Wonder to strut into your life and make it perfect, you’ll be getting yourself sorted out first and thus making yourself a more attractive package. It just makes sense to have a life strategy - especially for love stuff.
So prepare to do a little soul-searching - who are you? What are you looking for? Think both in the short term and long term. After some careful soul searching you should have a clearer idea about the kind of relationship that is realistic for you and will make you happy. And then - go forth and conquer!
5. Q I smiled at a guy who catches my train on the way to work the other morning. We’ve been chatting to each other ever since – and I think he’s hot! I really want to get to know him – out of the tube station! How do I give him a sign that I’m interested?
A. Holy dooly you, my friend, have made progress. And let’s be realistic, you’ve done it in what is possibly the worst place on the planet to pick up! Yet, you’ve gone beyond the smile and onto the chat. Well done you. Give yourself a pat on the back! Now prepare for Phase 2 and get ready to flirt. And don’t worry about being subtle - just bang him over the head with it!! And I don’t mean by being OTT, I mean by being smart - flirting with your mind, not your mammaries.
So what to do? Keep things all warm and fuzzy; wear your snog-me-senseless-smile and keep being super chatty. Try to focus the chat in on social stuff and see if you can wind the topic around to tangibles, for example, ask if there are any good bars or coffee spots in the area near where he boards the train. And then, casual as can be, just suggest you meet up sometime! Say it with a smile, don’t be threatening or heavy handed, don’t make it sound like it’s a big deal - and voila - you’ll soon know one way or the other if he’s into you. If you need some help with asking him, don’t hesitate to invent a reason you’re interested in trying out bars in different parts of your city. This way you have a legitimate reason to suggest the meet up, and if he knocks you back, you step away graciously from the man, continue to smile and be polite on the train, and no-one’s any the wiser.
6. Q I’m getting a crush on a guy in I.T but he barely notices I’m alive – how do I get him to react to me?
A. He is most probably shy - bless. So you will need to come down real tough on him with Operation Break Down. That means inventing a sudden interest in all things IT – got that geek girl?
First up you need to find out what exactly it is he works on, and as much about his specific job as possible. Then, like the sly little fox you will morph into, simply wait for the opportunity to corner him and flatter him senseless with your insatiable need for knowledge and information - simultaneously charming the sox of him.
This will take some research, especially if you’re getting advice on something that only this fella can fix. If all goes well and he’s ever so helpful, you must respond by offering to buy him a drink after work. He will be immensely flattered, if nothing else.
7. Q Recently I went on holidays and came back one stone heavier and I hate myself now.
A. Goodness, gracious me - someone’s being a little hard on themselves! I’d say you’ve been listening to your inner critic a little too much - that negative voice that keeps banging on about how you’re not good enough. But do you know what? Sod it! It’s not the extra couple of pounds that’s the problem - it’s your mindset!
At the end of the day, it’s not what you look like – it’s how you feel. And you’ve mistakenly convinced yourself that the temporary weight increase has turned you into something your not. You need to start a positive conversation with yourself and now!
Think of the weight gain as your post-holiday-power-curves! Evidence that you’re a good-time-girl who knows how to enjoy herself and live a little. You’re no Victoria Beckham: you’re not going to deprive yourself of - life - for the sake of a few extra pounds. Life’s too short!
At the end of the day, the extra curves were easy to put on and they’re straightforward to take off - with a little discipline. So set yourself the challenge: lose the bad attitude and make a pact to eat healthily and exercise your head off for the next few weeks. Guaranteed you’ll be back to feeling fit and fab in no time at all.
8. Q My flatmate has a severe case of OCD. A typical night goes like this, after I get home from the pub and rustle up a quick supper before cleaning up and going to bed, she will come out of her room and make sure everything is away and that all the appliances are turned off and rewash all the dishes I had already washed.
A. How exhausting – for her I mean! Living with someone who comes home and cooks supper after a night at the pub and how many drinks? I’m not surprised she rewashes the dishes! And really, why do you let it bother you? It’s not hurting you, is it? Surely you can see the other side of it. And since you’re aware that there is a scientific reason behind why she does what she does, surely you could show her a little more empathy?
My advice is to train your mind to shut off when you hear the little night-mouse going about her business – the booze should make it easier. And don’t give her a hard time about it. Maybe that way she’ll be more tolerable when you need it. Like when you come home stonkered and throw up everywhere.
9. Q My partner has started spanking me during sex – at first I found it weird (and painful!) now I’m sort of getting to like it, but wonder if it’s not bit creepy?
A. The expert opinion is that while the S & M experience might be stressful at first, it is renowned to bring couples closer together. This is according to new research which says that all S&M activities like spanking, bondage and flogging increase intimacy within a relationship – so that’s a positive right?
A separate study showed women experience significantly higher levels of testosterone during these types of activities, so think of the advantages there: a spurt in body hair growth; Madonna-esque muscles – good lord, there’s a wealth of bonuses just waiting to come out of the closet. Seriously though If you’re enjoying it, don’t stress, just go with the flow. Who says spanky-panky-happy-hour can’t be fun?
10. Q. I’ve heard from a friend of a friend that another good friend of ours has gone into Sex Addicts Anonymous – what I want to know is why? And what is it?
A. Russell Brand is the poster boy for sex addiction, or more sexily, winner of the Serial Shagger of the Year Award several times over. And he will tell you a thing or two about it in his entertaining autobiography: My Booky Wook.
Sex addiction can take various guises but is most commonly known for - you guessed it - the addiction to having sex. Sex addiction therapy is for those who have issues with sex but absolutely cannot seem to live without it - often at the expense of their personal relationships. David Duchovony is another high profile dude who allegedly found himself in sex rehab.
All you can really do is support the friend of a friend of your friend – from what I can gather, this sex addiction thing is not as much fun as its cracked up to be!
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