Flirt Diva Answers Your Love Dilemmas
November 12th 2009 08:56
Q. How do I let a guy know that I want him to ask me out so it isn't embarrassing when he says no? There's a guy at work who I very nearly just got hit with sexual harassment for. Almost grabbed his bum in the middle of the office. Managed to restrain myself but for the sake of my job, I really want to meet him for a drink and hopefully find a dark corner with. Ideas? Tips? Can I send an email? Trying to get him alone so that no one would walk by and hear could be tricky!
Sigh
Bec
A. Whoa slow down girl! You’ll get more than a sexual harassment hit if you’re not careful. Let’s just take things back a notch – you clearly have the hots for this guy, and you obviously want some action – which is fine, but can I ask that you keep it out of the office! There’s a time and a place for grabbing bum’s and this ain’t it!
As for asking him out, feel free to by all means, but, do brace yourself for rejection.
Let’s look at the facts: do you even know that he’s single? Or that he’s interested?
If the answer is `no’ and you want to save face, I would arrange a after-work drinks for a small group of colleagues and include him in the invite, you’ll soon find out during drinks whether he’s up for it or not.
If he’s not, well, don’t sit at home crying. You’re a red-blooded woman, go forth and find some happening bar on Saturday night and grab yourself some other hottie to share a dark corner with.
Q. Hello,
I have a question about when cheating is considered "cheating". In June of 2008 I met someone that I fell hard for. I can say that he is the best thing that has happened to me. While we were seeing each other I asked him where we stand and what we were and his response was, "is that what you want?". I told him I don't know and just went with the flow and never brought it up again. We started having some problems and during this time and he was traveling constantly for work. I slept with two different guys, just once, because I was stupid and upset. This happened in November and December of 2008. I know that I would never do it again and I have been faithful ever since. But my question is, do I tell him? We recently got official because I asked again, but I am having guilt trips and I don't want to lose him. Please help me out! Thank you!
Steliana
A. Hi Steliana,
Thanks for your email which I read with interest. My first feelings were that I admire your loyalty towards this guy and empathise with your feelings of guilt. After a second reading, I felt differently. The guy was clearly non-committal when you asked ‘where we stand’; and I suspect that deep down, he hurt you. Then, the troubles kicked in, probably fuelled by your insecurities. So you went off and played the field, because guess what? At that point, the two of you were not connecting. He was travelling, there were problems – it just wasn’t happening.
Nearly all good relationships weather a ‘troubled phase’ at some point, and this was yours. And I’m sorry, but it takes two to tango, and in his own way, he pushed you away, and you responded as you did, probably as a defence mechanism. So lose the guilt trips. Think of this as a fresh new start and look forward, not back. It’s a whole different story now, things are back on track. There is nothing to be gained from focusing on the past or bringing it back up. Just enjoy your relationship and don’t sabotage it by bringing up a time when both of you seemed to be questioning the relationship. It’s over, things are good. Keep moving forward.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 yrs will be 8 this nov. Since
turning 30 my sexual needs have increased thing is I am getting a bit disheartened to keep hearing `no’ when I suggest sex or some intimacy. I think I must still be desirable because of the attention I get from other men. I have never cheated because i love him but am starting to feel like I need reassurance that I am still sexy from someone else which if a bloke used that excuse to cheat I would think they wereshallow. I know he is working long hours but it would not stop most horny men would it?
What should I do to get him interested most of the time instead of just sometimes?
Sent from my iPhone
A. Well Miss 30, could this be the case of the 7-year-itch? You haven’t said how long the no-sex-phase has been an issue for, but I suspect it’s been gradually building over time. And to be fair, I feel for you. It is a bit rough; no-one likes being rejected, particularly in the bedroom! I’d say your guy needs a good wake-up call. He should think himself lucky to be with such a highly sexed hottie such as yourself.
My first question is, does he actually know how you’re feeling? Have you had a conversation, outside of the bedroom where you’ve gently mentioned being ‘disheartened’ (which is a nice word and not an accusation) when he says, ‘no’?
I’d suggest a date night. Get him along to a cosy little bar, share a few cocktails and remind him of what first attracted you to him. And be playful, keep it light and fun, tell him what you love about him physically and what it is about him that turns you on.
It’s all too easy in long-term relationships to take each other for granted, but like all good things, it does require effort and attention.
I think he might just need a good old fashioned sex alert which you can present in the form of an incredible compliment. All you’re really saying is that you’re still madly in lust with him and you hope he is with you. Go in with a really positive attitude, and I think you’ll find, you don’t have too much of a problem on your hands – maybe something else, but not a problem!
Sigh
Bec
A. Whoa slow down girl! You’ll get more than a sexual harassment hit if you’re not careful. Let’s just take things back a notch – you clearly have the hots for this guy, and you obviously want some action – which is fine, but can I ask that you keep it out of the office! There’s a time and a place for grabbing bum’s and this ain’t it!
As for asking him out, feel free to by all means, but, do brace yourself for rejection.
Let’s look at the facts: do you even know that he’s single? Or that he’s interested?
If the answer is `no’ and you want to save face, I would arrange a after-work drinks for a small group of colleagues and include him in the invite, you’ll soon find out during drinks whether he’s up for it or not.
If he’s not, well, don’t sit at home crying. You’re a red-blooded woman, go forth and find some happening bar on Saturday night and grab yourself some other hottie to share a dark corner with.
Q. Hello,
I have a question about when cheating is considered "cheating". In June of 2008 I met someone that I fell hard for. I can say that he is the best thing that has happened to me. While we were seeing each other I asked him where we stand and what we were and his response was, "is that what you want?". I told him I don't know and just went with the flow and never brought it up again. We started having some problems and during this time and he was traveling constantly for work. I slept with two different guys, just once, because I was stupid and upset. This happened in November and December of 2008. I know that I would never do it again and I have been faithful ever since. But my question is, do I tell him? We recently got official because I asked again, but I am having guilt trips and I don't want to lose him. Please help me out! Thank you!
Steliana
A. Hi Steliana,
Thanks for your email which I read with interest. My first feelings were that I admire your loyalty towards this guy and empathise with your feelings of guilt. After a second reading, I felt differently. The guy was clearly non-committal when you asked ‘where we stand’; and I suspect that deep down, he hurt you. Then, the troubles kicked in, probably fuelled by your insecurities. So you went off and played the field, because guess what? At that point, the two of you were not connecting. He was travelling, there were problems – it just wasn’t happening.
Nearly all good relationships weather a ‘troubled phase’ at some point, and this was yours. And I’m sorry, but it takes two to tango, and in his own way, he pushed you away, and you responded as you did, probably as a defence mechanism. So lose the guilt trips. Think of this as a fresh new start and look forward, not back. It’s a whole different story now, things are back on track. There is nothing to be gained from focusing on the past or bringing it back up. Just enjoy your relationship and don’t sabotage it by bringing up a time when both of you seemed to be questioning the relationship. It’s over, things are good. Keep moving forward.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 yrs will be 8 this nov. Since
turning 30 my sexual needs have increased thing is I am getting a bit disheartened to keep hearing `no’ when I suggest sex or some intimacy. I think I must still be desirable because of the attention I get from other men. I have never cheated because i love him but am starting to feel like I need reassurance that I am still sexy from someone else which if a bloke used that excuse to cheat I would think they wereshallow. I know he is working long hours but it would not stop most horny men would it?
What should I do to get him interested most of the time instead of just sometimes?
Sent from my iPhone
A. Well Miss 30, could this be the case of the 7-year-itch? You haven’t said how long the no-sex-phase has been an issue for, but I suspect it’s been gradually building over time. And to be fair, I feel for you. It is a bit rough; no-one likes being rejected, particularly in the bedroom! I’d say your guy needs a good wake-up call. He should think himself lucky to be with such a highly sexed hottie such as yourself.
My first question is, does he actually know how you’re feeling? Have you had a conversation, outside of the bedroom where you’ve gently mentioned being ‘disheartened’ (which is a nice word and not an accusation) when he says, ‘no’?
I’d suggest a date night. Get him along to a cosy little bar, share a few cocktails and remind him of what first attracted you to him. And be playful, keep it light and fun, tell him what you love about him physically and what it is about him that turns you on.
It’s all too easy in long-term relationships to take each other for granted, but like all good things, it does require effort and attention.
I think he might just need a good old fashioned sex alert which you can present in the form of an incredible compliment. All you’re really saying is that you’re still madly in lust with him and you hope he is with you. Go in with a really positive attitude, and I think you’ll find, you don’t have too much of a problem on your hands – maybe something else, but not a problem!
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